1
00:00:02,504 --> 00:00:04,214
(fireworks pop)
2
00:00:09,010 --> 00:00:12,514
(sped up, garbled speech)
3
00:00:14,557 --> 00:00:16,351
- I'm convinced that men are monsters.
4
00:00:16,351 --> 00:00:19,896
(sped up, garbled speech)
5
00:00:19,896 --> 00:00:21,147
Really, truly.
6
00:00:21,147 --> 00:00:24,651
(brassy orchestral music)
7
00:01:59,370 --> 00:02:02,874
(percussive, funky music)
8
00:02:17,805 --> 00:02:20,558
(object grinding)
9
00:02:26,522 --> 00:02:28,650
- ls that you, Stanley?
10
00:02:28,650 --> 00:02:29,442
- Yeah, Ma.
11
00:02:30,318 --> 00:02:31,319
- Where were you?
12
00:02:32,403 --> 00:02:34,697
So long it took you to buy the newspaper?
13
00:02:36,449 --> 00:02:37,325
What is it?
14
00:02:38,326 --> 00:02:40,578
- Zowee, it came! (laughs)
15
00:02:40,578 --> 00:02:41,663
My diploma!
16
00:02:41,663 --> 00:02:44,457
I'm a full-fledged marriage
counselor now. (laughs)
17
00:02:44,457 --> 00:02:47,168
- Don't get so excited, Stanley.
18
00:02:47,168 --> 00:02:48,211
- How about that, Ma?
19
00:02:49,587 --> 00:02:52,090
- My son, a marriage counselor.
20
00:02:53,966 --> 00:02:57,595
(percussive, playful music)
21
00:03:24,247 --> 00:03:26,749
(light music)
22
00:03:30,586 --> 00:03:34,090
(percussive, funky music)
23
00:03:38,886 --> 00:03:41,889
(bluesy rock music)
24
00:03:47,603 --> 00:03:51,149
(bluesy psychedelic music)
25
00:04:17,508 --> 00:04:20,636
(raspy, funky music)
26
00:04:30,396 --> 00:04:33,649
(bright, brassy music)
27
00:04:41,157 --> 00:04:46,162
(woman moaning)
(sinuous music)
28
00:04:59,926 --> 00:05:03,054
(raspy, funky music)
29
00:05:09,811 --> 00:05:14,816
(woman moaning)
(raspy, funky music)
30
00:05:40,466 --> 00:05:43,219
(doorbell rings)
31
00:05:47,098 --> 00:05:49,851
(Person panting)
32
00:05:52,854 --> 00:05:55,690
(machine humming)
33
00:06:01,612 --> 00:06:02,697
- Stanley!
34
00:06:02,697 --> 00:06:04,699
(machine humming)
35
00:06:04,699 --> 00:06:07,618
(low, funky music)
36
00:06:10,121 --> 00:06:11,706
Stop.
37
00:06:11,706 --> 00:06:12,957
Stanley, stop.
38
00:06:12,957 --> 00:06:14,458
Stanley!
39
00:06:14,458 --> 00:06:15,251
Stop.
40
00:06:16,127 --> 00:06:17,253
Stanley, stop it.
41
00:06:17,253 --> 00:06:20,339
(low, funky music)
42
00:06:20,339 --> 00:06:21,132
Stanley.
43
00:06:22,592 --> 00:06:24,135
Oh, you klutz.
44
00:06:24,135 --> 00:06:29,098
(low, funky music)
(machine humming)
45
00:06:32,393 --> 00:06:35,271
- Turn that damn vacuum
cleaner off, will ya, Katie?
46
00:06:36,147 --> 00:06:38,649
(vacuum cleaner hums)
47
00:06:38,649 --> 00:06:41,903
Oh, come on, Katie,
you gotta give me some.
48
00:06:41,903 --> 00:06:43,529
Oh, why don't you give me anything?
49
00:06:43,529 --> 00:06:45,031
- You're a schmuck!
50
00:06:45,031 --> 00:06:46,782
- Yeah, I'm a schmuck?
51
00:06:46,782 --> 00:06:48,618
- Yeah, you're a schmuck.
52
00:06:48,618 --> 00:06:50,536
- Maybe I'm a schmuck, but I got feelings
53
00:06:50,536 --> 00:06:52,538
like any other schmuck.
54
00:06:52,538 --> 00:06:54,624
Oh, God, Katie, you
don't know what it's like
55
00:06:54,624 --> 00:06:57,919
to look at you all day long and
then not be able to get any.
56
00:06:57,919 --> 00:06:58,794
Do you know what it's like to sit
57
00:06:58,794 --> 00:07:01,923
there all day long, reading
Playboy with one hand, huh?
58
00:07:01,923 --> 00:07:02,757
- You're a schmuck.
59
00:07:02,757 --> 00:07:03,925
I still say you're a schmuck.
- Yeah, a schmuck.
60
00:07:03,925 --> 00:07:05,301
- Stanley!
- Schmuck, it's getting so
61
00:07:05,301 --> 00:07:06,135
that that Playboy, let
me tell you something,
62
00:07:06,135 --> 00:07:07,386
I'm finding it hard to believe girls
63
00:07:07,386 --> 00:07:08,804
don't have staples in their navels.
64
00:07:08,804 --> 00:07:10,264
That's how bad it is, Katie.
65
00:07:11,390 --> 00:07:13,309
- Stanley, when are we getting married?
66
00:07:16,520 --> 00:07:21,442
Stanley Bebble, you're not
the only pebble on the beach.
67
00:07:21,442 --> 00:07:22,693
- You know I can't marry you.
68
00:07:22,693 --> 00:07:24,195
I gotta take care of my mother.
69
00:07:25,947 --> 00:07:27,323
- Get out!
70
00:07:27,323 --> 00:07:28,157
- Get out?
71
00:07:28,157 --> 00:07:29,033
You don't mean that, Katie.
72
00:07:29,033 --> 00:07:31,035
- I said get out.
73
00:07:31,035 --> 00:07:31,827
Gut!
74
00:07:35,039 --> 00:07:36,457
- Look-
- Get out!
75
00:07:40,711 --> 00:07:43,297
(object rings)
76
00:07:48,803 --> 00:07:51,180
(doorbell rings)
77
00:07:51,180 --> 00:07:52,431
- Oh, really?
78
00:07:52,431 --> 00:07:55,309
I've been up since seven am.
79
00:07:55,309 --> 00:07:57,103
It's 11 o'clock.
80
00:07:57,103 --> 00:07:57,979
(sped up, garbled speech)
81
00:07:57,979 --> 00:07:59,855
I've been cooking, I've
been washing clothes.
82
00:07:59,855 --> 00:08:01,816
I am so tired of all this.
83
00:08:01,816 --> 00:08:03,859
(sped up, garbled speech)
84
00:08:03,859 --> 00:08:05,236
(doorbell rings)
85
00:08:05,236 --> 00:08:06,696
I'm sick and tired of all this.
86
00:08:06,696 --> 00:08:09,448
(doorbell rings)
87
00:08:10,324 --> 00:08:11,993
- I'm collecting for-
88
00:08:11,993 --> 00:08:13,619
- I gave already.
89
00:08:13,619 --> 00:08:16,122
(light music)
90
00:08:19,834 --> 00:08:22,753
(percussive music)
91
00:08:29,260 --> 00:08:32,930
- Always be prepared, that's my motto.
92
00:08:32,930 --> 00:08:35,558
(upbeat music)
93
00:08:40,187 --> 00:08:43,024
(low organ music)
94
00:08:46,402 --> 00:08:49,905
(sedate light jazz music)
95
00:09:55,387 --> 00:09:59,850
- I guess they're bashful,
fucking with no lights on.
96
00:09:59,850 --> 00:10:02,269
(man laughs)
97
00:10:04,396 --> 00:10:07,149
(dramatic music)
98
00:10:27,044 --> 00:10:29,547
(light music)
99
00:10:40,182 --> 00:10:41,308
- Ah, Manuel.
100
00:10:43,060 --> 00:10:43,936
Come here.
101
00:10:45,938 --> 00:10:47,022
- What's the matter?
102
00:10:47,022 --> 00:10:48,190
- I wanna talk to you for a minute.
103
00:10:48,190 --> 00:10:49,191
- What you want?
104
00:10:49,191 --> 00:10:50,192
- Come here.
105
00:10:52,444 --> 00:10:53,821
Happened again, huh, Manuel?
106
00:10:53,821 --> 00:10:54,822
- What you talking about?
107
00:10:54,822 --> 00:10:56,157
- You know what I'm talking about.
108
00:10:56,157 --> 00:10:57,825
- Hey, hey, hey, I the super.
109
00:10:57,825 --> 00:10:58,659
- Don't worry about it.
110
00:10:58,659 --> 00:10:59,451
I'm not gonna take your job away, Manuel.
111
00:10:59,451 --> 00:11:00,828
- Okay, that good.
112
00:11:00,828 --> 00:11:02,329
- Yes, Manuel.
113
00:11:02,329 --> 00:11:03,164
- What you want?
114
00:11:03,164 --> 00:11:04,290
- You are a pre-vert.
115
00:11:04,290 --> 00:11:07,084
You are a true,
dyed-in-the-wool di-generate
116
00:11:07,084 --> 00:11:08,794
if I've ever seen one, you know that?
117
00:11:08,794 --> 00:11:10,713
Peeping through peepholes, looking.
118
00:11:10,713 --> 00:11:11,964
Aren't you ashamed of yourself?
119
00:11:11,964 --> 00:11:13,174
(indistinct)
120
00:11:13,174 --> 00:11:14,300
- What do you want me to do?
121
00:11:14,300 --> 00:11:15,092
- What do I want you to do?
122
00:11:15,092 --> 00:11:15,968
If you want a girl so badly,
123
00:11:15,968 --> 00:11:18,053
why don't you just go out
and get the real stuff?
124
00:11:18,053 --> 00:11:19,305
Go after the real thing.
125
00:11:19,305 --> 00:11:20,931
- I no speak English good.
126
00:11:20,931 --> 00:11:23,350
I don't know how to talk to a woman.
127
00:11:23,350 --> 00:11:24,226
- Oh, come on.
128
00:11:24,226 --> 00:11:26,103
"L don't speak English good,
I don't know how to talk."
129
00:11:26,103 --> 00:11:27,438
That's got nothing to do with it.
130
00:11:27,438 --> 00:11:28,439
It's all a matter of approach.
131
00:11:28,439 --> 00:11:30,107
- What do you mean?
- Hey, I've got an idea.
132
00:11:30,107 --> 00:11:30,983
- What?
133
00:11:30,983 --> 00:11:31,984
- You know, a lot of
people in this building
134
00:11:31,984 --> 00:11:32,860
don't know about this.
135
00:11:32,860 --> 00:11:34,361
Come closer.
136
00:11:34,361 --> 00:11:36,447
I happen to be a doctor of sexology.
137
00:11:36,447 --> 00:11:37,239
- Si.
138
00:11:37,239 --> 00:11:39,116
- Went through a four year
correspondence course.
139
00:11:39,116 --> 00:11:40,492
- Si.
140
00:11:40,492 --> 00:11:42,828
- Yeah, I had to send a lot
of box tops from cereals
141
00:11:42,828 --> 00:11:44,997
to get this course.
142
00:11:44,997 --> 00:11:46,749
I am going to help you
because I like you, Manuel.
143
00:11:46,749 --> 00:11:48,209
I think you're a nice guy, no matter what
144
00:11:48,209 --> 00:11:49,710
anybody else says in this neighborhood.
145
00:11:49,710 --> 00:11:51,378
I think you're a nice guy
and I'm gonna help you.
146
00:11:51,378 --> 00:11:52,254
- Sure.
147
00:11:52,254 --> 00:11:53,505
- For a small fee, of course.
148
00:11:53,505 --> 00:11:55,591
I am going to teach you a full proof,
149
00:11:56,759 --> 00:12:00,262
sure-as-fire method of picking up a woman,
150
00:12:00,262 --> 00:12:03,724
and no woman, with my
method, will ever refuse
151
00:12:03,724 --> 00:12:05,476
to go out with you.
152
00:12:05,476 --> 00:12:06,644
How's that, huh?
153
00:12:06,644 --> 00:12:07,895
- That's idea!
154
00:12:07,895 --> 00:12:08,896
- Deal, for $10.
155
00:12:08,896 --> 00:12:09,772
'$10?
156
00:12:12,900 --> 00:12:14,526
(doorbell rings)
157
00:12:14,526 --> 00:12:16,237
- Come in, the door's open.
158
00:12:16,237 --> 00:12:19,657
(playful castanet music)
159
00:12:22,743 --> 00:12:25,788
- Hi, I'm your new neighbor.
160
00:12:25,788 --> 00:12:28,040
Could I borrow a cup of scotch?
161
00:12:28,040 --> 00:12:30,668
- Psst, hey, Manuel, come here.
162
00:12:31,627 --> 00:12:32,670
How do you like that, huh?
163
00:12:32,670 --> 00:12:33,504
- That's all right, boy.
164
00:12:33,504 --> 00:12:35,422
That's a nice piece of meat, boy.
165
00:12:35,422 --> 00:12:36,674
(wolf howls)
166
00:12:36,674 --> 00:12:38,300
- How'd you like to try out
an approach on her, okay?
167
00:12:38,300 --> 00:12:39,176
- Sure.
168
00:12:39,176 --> 00:12:40,302
- First, let me see your natural approach.
169
00:12:40,302 --> 00:12:42,638
Let me see how you talk
to that girl right now.
170
00:12:42,638 --> 00:12:43,430
- Hey, I'm your super.
171
00:12:43,430 --> 00:12:46,267
How about coming down
to the basement with me?
172
00:12:46,267 --> 00:12:47,685
- Come here, will ya, please?
173
00:12:47,685 --> 00:12:48,811
- What the matter?
174
00:12:48,811 --> 00:12:50,312
- What kind of talk is that?
- What I do?
175
00:12:50,312 --> 00:12:51,188
- "L'm your super, come
down to the basement."
176
00:12:51,188 --> 00:12:52,064
- What I do?
177
00:12:52,064 --> 00:12:52,898
- You haven't got the right approach.
178
00:12:52,898 --> 00:12:56,151
You gotta be gentile, you gotta be suave.
179
00:12:56,151 --> 00:12:57,027
- What are you talk about?
180
00:12:57,027 --> 00:12:58,279
I ain't no gentile, I no slob.
181
00:12:58,279 --> 00:13:00,322
- Yeah, no, no, no, no.
182
00:13:00,322 --> 00:13:02,574
You gotta have the right
things to say to a woman.
183
00:13:02,574 --> 00:13:04,535
Now you say everything I tell ya, okay?
184
00:13:04,535 --> 00:13:05,327
- Sure.
- First thing you say to her,
185
00:13:05,327 --> 00:13:08,038
"Pardon me, madam, often
times I've seen you
186
00:13:08,038 --> 00:13:10,541
"promenade up and down the boulevard."
187
00:13:10,541 --> 00:13:11,333
Try that.
188
00:13:12,334 --> 00:13:14,545
- Often times I see you
running around naked
189
00:13:14,545 --> 00:13:16,046
in the bull-yard.
190
00:13:16,046 --> 00:13:18,173
- NO, no, no, no, no, come hEFG!
191
00:13:18,173 --> 00:13:19,591
What, "running around
naked in the bull-yard"?
192
00:13:19,591 --> 00:13:21,176
"L seen you promenade up
and down the boulevard."
193
00:13:21,176 --> 00:13:21,969
Try that.
194
00:13:21,969 --> 00:13:23,846
"L seen you promenade up
and down the boulevard."
195
00:13:23,846 --> 00:13:24,722
Try it.
196
00:13:24,722 --> 00:13:25,597
- Often times, I see
you running around naked
197
00:13:25,597 --> 00:13:27,099
in the bull-yard, the bull-yard,
198
00:13:27,099 --> 00:13:30,060
because when the bull get
you up against the fence.
199
00:13:30,060 --> 00:13:32,438
(shouting)
200
00:13:32,438 --> 00:13:34,982
- Now, now, now, Manuel,
Manuel, don't get carried away.
201
00:13:34,982 --> 00:13:38,110
The lines are, "Often times,
I've seen you promenade
202
00:13:38,110 --> 00:13:39,361
"up and down the boulevard."
203
00:13:39,361 --> 00:13:40,195
Try it that way.
204
00:13:40,988 --> 00:13:44,616
- Often times I see you promenade
up and down the bull-yard.
205
00:13:44,616 --> 00:13:45,701
- Thank you.
206
00:13:45,701 --> 00:13:46,493
_
207
00:13:47,369 --> 00:13:48,746
- Now you're scoring, baby boy.
208
00:13:48,746 --> 00:13:51,248
Right on! (laughs)
209
00:13:51,248 --> 00:13:52,499
- Good, huh?
- Yes.
210
00:13:52,499 --> 00:13:53,334
- What I do now, boss?
211
00:13:53,334 --> 00:13:56,211
- Now say to her, "You are
the quintessence of beauty."
212
00:13:57,129 --> 00:13:59,506
- I like to put my thing
between your boobies.
213
00:13:59,506 --> 00:14:01,258
- No, no, not "l'd like to put
214
00:14:01,258 --> 00:14:02,134
my thing between your boobies!"
215
00:14:02,134 --> 00:14:04,386
"You are the quintessence of beauty."
216
00:14:04,386 --> 00:14:06,972
- You are the quintessence of beauty.
217
00:14:06,972 --> 00:14:08,640
- Oh, thank you!
218
00:14:10,142 --> 00:14:12,019
- Stanley, come eat.
219
00:14:12,019 --> 00:14:15,147
- Okay, Ma, I just wanna
take my jacket off.
220
00:14:15,147 --> 00:14:17,274
- Who were you talking to?
221
00:14:17,274 --> 00:14:18,108
- Manuel.
222
00:14:19,234 --> 00:14:21,153
Oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy.
223
00:14:21,153 --> 00:14:21,987
- Sit down already.
224
00:14:21,987 --> 00:14:23,113
Everything is getting cold.
225
00:14:24,031 --> 00:14:25,616
- Ma, you're so lucky.
226
00:14:25,616 --> 00:14:27,242
To have such a beautiful son.
227
00:14:27,242 --> 00:14:29,661
Oh my goodness, look how beautiful I am.
228
00:14:29,661 --> 00:14:32,498
Oh, my heavens, good
thing I'm not a woman.
229
00:14:32,498 --> 00:14:35,751
You're so pretty and so witty.
230
00:14:35,751 --> 00:14:38,295
I So pretty, witty, and gay I
231
00:14:38,295 --> 00:14:39,880
You're so adorable.
232
00:14:39,880 --> 00:14:40,672
- All right.
- (indistinct) Ma.
233
00:14:40,672 --> 00:14:42,257
- Enough with the fooling around.
234
00:14:42,257 --> 00:14:44,802
- Hey, Ma, ever see two u-bang-ees meeting
235
00:14:44,802 --> 00:14:45,886
in the middle of the jungle?
236
00:14:45,886 --> 00:14:47,805
One u-bang-ee turns to
the other u-bang-ee, says,
237
00:14:47,805 --> 00:14:50,057
"Peter Piper picked a
peck of pickled peppers.
238
00:14:50,057 --> 00:14:52,935
"Now you fan me for a while." (laughs)
239
00:14:52,935 --> 00:14:56,688
You fan me (chuckles) for a while.
240
00:14:56,688 --> 00:14:57,815
- Stanley, stop clowning.
241
00:14:57,815 --> 00:14:59,441
Eat, please.
242
00:14:59,441 --> 00:15:00,943
- You've no sense of humor, Ma.
243
00:15:01,944 --> 00:15:04,321
- Stanley, I've been thinking.
244
00:15:04,321 --> 00:15:05,823
Maybe I should get married.
245
00:15:08,075 --> 00:15:09,451
- Did you say "married," Ma?
246
00:15:11,078 --> 00:15:13,580
- It'd be nice to have a man in the house.
247
00:15:13,580 --> 00:15:14,832
- A man around the house?
248
00:15:14,832 --> 00:15:16,166
I'm a man, Ma.
249
00:15:16,166 --> 00:15:18,210
- Yeah, yeah, I know, I know.
250
00:15:19,169 --> 00:15:23,048
It would be nice not to have
to worry about bills and rent.
251
00:15:23,048 --> 00:15:25,175
- Yeah, Ma, but I'm a
marriage counselor now.
252
00:15:25,175 --> 00:15:26,218
I'll take care of you.
253
00:15:26,218 --> 00:15:29,096
- I'm so tired of washing
dishes and cleaning.
254
00:15:29,096 --> 00:15:31,932
If God wanted me to clean, he
would have made me a broom.
255
00:15:33,475 --> 00:15:36,228
Mr. Greenberg, the one
that owns the fruit store,
256
00:15:36,228 --> 00:15:38,480
he's crazy about me, I can tell.
257
00:15:39,314 --> 00:15:41,108
- Wow, you got some taste, Ma.
258
00:15:41,108 --> 00:15:43,193
- And that Mr. Bloom from the drugstore,
259
00:15:44,486 --> 00:15:45,988
he can't take his eyes off me.
260
00:15:47,990 --> 00:15:49,700
- You know who might be
really good to you, Ma?
261
00:15:49,700 --> 00:15:54,329
Somebody fascinating, like Claude Rains.
262
00:15:55,372 --> 00:15:56,707
Remember Claude Rains, Ma?
263
00:15:58,000 --> 00:15:59,126
His most famous part.
264
00:16:01,837 --> 00:16:05,382
"L don't take up much
room, I'm invisible."
265
00:16:07,759 --> 00:16:09,011
Don't like that either, Ma, huh?
266
00:16:09,011 --> 00:16:09,845
Well, uh.
267
00:16:11,138 --> 00:16:12,139
- Go, go already.
268
00:16:12,139 --> 00:16:14,892
- (stutters) That's all, Ma.
269
00:16:14,892 --> 00:16:16,518
- You're driving me crazy.
270
00:16:16,518 --> 00:16:18,395
It's time you stopped clowning around.
271
00:16:19,271 --> 00:16:20,105
_ Qkay-
272
00:16:20,105 --> 00:16:22,399
- Son, a marriage counselor.
273
00:16:23,650 --> 00:16:27,029
(upbeat, comical music)
274
00:17:01,813 --> 00:17:03,065
(phone rings)
275
00:17:03,065 --> 00:17:05,609
(funky music)
276
00:18:23,604 --> 00:18:28,609
(woman moaning)
(funky music)
277
00:18:54,885 --> 00:18:58,221
(funky music continues)
278
00:19:08,357 --> 00:19:11,610
(phone rings)
279
00:19:11,610 --> 00:19:12,402
- Hello.
280
00:19:12,402 --> 00:19:14,988
- Hello there.
- Oh, Marge.
281
00:19:14,988 --> 00:19:17,157
How nice to hear from you.
282
00:19:17,157 --> 00:19:18,617
- What are you doing, Manuel?
283
00:19:19,409 --> 00:19:22,037
- I left something, I'm looking for it.
284
00:19:22,037 --> 00:19:25,040
- Is that right, Manuel? (chuckles)
285
00:19:25,040 --> 00:19:27,542
(light music)
286
00:19:40,931 --> 00:19:42,307
- Hey, what's this I hear about going
287
00:19:42,307 --> 00:19:44,935
over to Marge's house tonight?
288
00:19:44,935 --> 00:19:46,186
I'm not going over to Marge's house.
289
00:19:46,186 --> 00:19:47,437
I don't like them.
290
00:19:47,437 --> 00:19:48,689
They're cheap bastards.
291
00:19:48,689 --> 00:19:49,564
- We're going.
292
00:19:49,564 --> 00:19:51,316
- No, we are not going.
293
00:19:51,316 --> 00:19:52,693
- Yes, we are.
294
00:19:52,693 --> 00:19:54,194
- No, we're not.
- We're going.
295
00:19:54,194 --> 00:19:56,279
- We're not going.
- We're going.
296
00:19:56,279 --> 00:19:57,572
- We're not going.
297
00:19:57,572 --> 00:20:00,325
- We're going.
- No, we are not.
298
00:20:00,325 --> 00:20:01,410
- Yes, we are.
299
00:20:02,703 --> 00:20:03,537
We're going.
300
00:20:03,537 --> 00:20:05,330
- No, we're not.
- We're going.
301
00:20:05,330 --> 00:20:06,331
- No.
- Yes.
302
00:20:06,331 --> 00:20:07,833
- No.
- Going, going.
303
00:20:07,833 --> 00:20:10,085
We are going.
- No.
304
00:20:10,085 --> 00:20:10,961
- Going.
- We're not going.
305
00:20:10,961 --> 00:20:12,546
- We are going.
306
00:20:12,546 --> 00:20:13,922
- No, we are not.
307
00:20:13,922 --> 00:20:15,090
- Yes, we are.
308
00:20:15,966 --> 00:20:16,842
We're going.
309
00:20:16,842 --> 00:20:17,676
_ He going.
310
00:20:18,844 --> 00:20:19,720
- No.
- Yes.
311
00:20:19,720 --> 00:20:20,679
- No.
312
00:20:20,679 --> 00:20:23,181
(phone rings)
313
00:20:27,728 --> 00:20:30,605
(phone rings)
314
00:20:30,605 --> 00:20:31,481
- Hello?
315
00:20:34,484 --> 00:20:37,112
Well, the doctor is a very busy man.
316
00:20:41,116 --> 00:20:43,702
Let me look at his appointment book.
317
00:20:43,702 --> 00:20:44,995
Stanley!
318
00:20:44,995 --> 00:20:45,871
- Yeah?
319
00:20:45,871 --> 00:20:47,873
- There's a lady on the
phone, a Mrs. Rawson.
320
00:20:47,873 --> 00:20:48,999
She's a patient.
321
00:20:48,999 --> 00:20:52,210
She wants to come and see
you tonight with her husband.
322
00:20:52,210 --> 00:20:54,129
- Tell them to come at seven o'clock, Ma.
323
00:20:54,129 --> 00:20:56,506
No, no, no, make that eight o'clock.
324
00:20:56,506 --> 00:20:58,508
- The doctor is very busy,
325
00:20:58,508 --> 00:21:01,511
but he'll see you
tonight at eight o'clock.
326
00:21:01,511 --> 00:21:02,345
Goodbye.
327
00:21:04,139 --> 00:21:07,142
- I have patients already.
328
00:21:07,142 --> 00:21:08,143
How about that?
329
00:21:08,143 --> 00:21:11,772
Stanley Bebble, successful
marriage counselor.
330
00:21:12,981 --> 00:21:15,650
(comical music)
331
00:21:20,113 --> 00:21:23,366
(dramatic, busy music)
332
00:22:00,195 --> 00:22:04,282
(dramatic, busy music continues)
333
00:22:44,865 --> 00:22:48,952
(dramatic, busy music continues)
334
00:23:00,088 --> 00:23:03,341
(light, comical music)
335
00:23:20,025 --> 00:23:25,030
(low organ music)
(people moaning)
336
00:24:04,778 --> 00:24:06,154
(cow lows)
337
00:24:06,154 --> 00:24:11,159
(organ music)
(woman moaning)
338
00:24:41,439 --> 00:24:43,858
- What a pair of post-er-ays.
339
00:24:43,858 --> 00:24:48,863
(fast organ music)
(woman moaning)
340
00:25:10,844 --> 00:25:13,888
(lighthearted music)
341
00:25:47,130 --> 00:25:52,135
(people moaning)
(lighthearted music)
342
00:25:58,391 --> 00:26:01,144
(fast percussive music)
343
00:26:01,144 --> 00:26:04,397
(sedate, upbeat music)
344
00:26:17,035 --> 00:26:20,538
(staccato, playful music)
345
00:27:11,464 --> 00:27:15,760
(staccato, playful music continues)
346
00:27:19,973 --> 00:27:23,143
(light, upbeat music)
347
00:27:26,521 --> 00:27:31,234
- Okay, Katie, you win, let's get married.
348
00:27:31,234 --> 00:27:35,029
- Oh, Stanley, darling, married!
349
00:27:35,029 --> 00:27:39,617
- Oh, boy, does that mean
now we can make love?
350
00:27:39,617 --> 00:27:42,287
- Oh, Stanley, darling, married!
351
00:27:43,621 --> 00:27:46,416
- Oh, oh, oh, boy, then we can make love?
352
00:27:46,416 --> 00:27:48,918
(light music)
353
00:28:13,818 --> 00:28:16,446
(water patters)
354
00:28:23,411 --> 00:28:25,914
(light music)
355
00:28:28,833 --> 00:28:31,586
(doorbell rings)
356
00:28:34,214 --> 00:28:36,216
(person knocks)
357
00:28:36,216 --> 00:28:38,718
(light music)
358
00:28:52,732 --> 00:28:55,610
- Darling, will you hand me the soap?
359
00:28:55,610 --> 00:28:58,863
(light, comical music)
360
00:29:27,392 --> 00:29:29,894
Oh, darling, wash my back.
361
00:29:29,894 --> 00:29:34,899
(water patters)
(soft music)
362
00:29:39,654 --> 00:29:42,156
Your hands feel so gentle today.
363
00:29:42,156 --> 00:29:46,369
Oh, just keep on rubbing.
364
00:29:46,369 --> 00:29:50,665
(water patters)
(soft music)
365
00:29:50,665 --> 00:29:53,167
Oh, I've got soap in my eyes, darling!
366
00:29:53,167 --> 00:29:55,169
Get me a towel.
367
00:29:55,169 --> 00:29:57,672
(light music)
368
00:29:59,507 --> 00:30:00,883
Get me a towel, please!
369
00:30:01,759 --> 00:30:05,013
(light, comical music)
370
00:30:21,195 --> 00:30:23,573
(wolf howls)
371
00:30:28,786 --> 00:30:32,206
- My, you do have a problem!
372
00:30:33,207 --> 00:30:35,335
(whistles) Holy gravy.
373
00:30:35,335 --> 00:30:36,711
You mean to tell me that your husband
374
00:30:36,711 --> 00:30:38,338
always calls you a bitch?
375
00:30:39,297 --> 00:30:41,674
Mm hmm, and your sex life.
376
00:30:41,674 --> 00:30:43,092
I haven't heard anything
so weird in my life.
377
00:30:43,092 --> 00:30:44,844
Likes to make love in a park.
378
00:30:45,845 --> 00:30:50,058
Well, park is not too bad.
379
00:30:51,225 --> 00:30:52,727
People's backyards?
380
00:30:54,854 --> 00:30:57,190
Well, maybe that's not so weird, either.
381
00:30:57,190 --> 00:31:00,610
On the street, everybody watching?
382
00:31:01,486 --> 00:31:02,320
Oh my God.
383
00:31:04,614 --> 00:31:05,490
He likes to what?
384
00:31:06,616 --> 00:31:07,992
Do it dog fashion?
385
00:31:07,992 --> 00:31:09,369
Only dog fashion?
386
00:31:11,371 --> 00:31:12,830
How degrading!
387
00:31:16,250 --> 00:31:18,878
Next time he does that, you just tell him
388
00:31:18,878 --> 00:31:21,631
he's barking up the wrong tree.
389
00:31:22,965 --> 00:31:24,759
What do you think of that?
390
00:31:24,759 --> 00:31:27,095
(dOg barks)
391
00:31:29,639 --> 00:31:31,974
That's what you get, talking to a dog.
392
00:31:31,974 --> 00:31:33,851
Straitjacket, throw away the key.
393
00:31:34,644 --> 00:31:36,396
Yeah, all right, get out of here, Cocoa.
394
00:31:36,396 --> 00:31:37,980
Come on, come on, come OH.
395
00:31:41,150 --> 00:31:42,610
I'm not talking to any more weirdos.
396
00:31:42,610 --> 00:31:43,986
I want real patients.
397
00:31:43,986 --> 00:31:47,240
Ma, bring in the next patient!
398
00:31:47,240 --> 00:31:52,245
(light music)
(woman moans)
399
00:31:59,293 --> 00:32:01,879
(upbeat music)
400
00:32:08,052 --> 00:32:13,057
(bluesy rock music)
(people grunting)
401
00:32:23,651 --> 00:32:26,654
(bluesy rock music)
402
00:32:45,047 --> 00:32:47,842
(slow rock music)
403
00:32:59,979 --> 00:33:03,941
(shimmering synthesizer music)
404
00:33:08,488 --> 00:33:11,616
(skipping rock music)
405
00:33:24,504 --> 00:33:27,089
(upbeat music)
406
00:33:39,268 --> 00:33:44,273
(bluesy rock music)
(woman moaning)
407
00:34:11,551 --> 00:34:14,470
(raspy rock music)
408
00:34:24,730 --> 00:34:27,358
(brassy music)
409
00:34:33,614 --> 00:34:38,619
(slow rock music)
(woman moaning)
410
00:34:51,632 --> 00:34:54,510
(raspy rock music)
411
00:35:20,536 --> 00:35:21,537
Hey, Manuel.
412
00:35:26,542 --> 00:35:29,045
Come here, I wanna talk to you a minute.
413
00:35:29,045 --> 00:35:29,920
Come here.
414
00:35:35,176 --> 00:35:37,011
What were you doing out there?
415
00:35:37,011 --> 00:35:38,554
- I dropped a piece of soap.
416
00:35:38,554 --> 00:35:40,640
I was bending down to pick it up.
417
00:35:40,640 --> 00:35:41,682
- Oh, yeah, oh, because you were cleaning
418
00:35:41,682 --> 00:35:43,559
the hallways again, huh?
419
00:35:43,559 --> 00:35:45,686
How come you're always
cleaning the hallways?
420
00:35:45,686 --> 00:35:47,146
You know something, I bet we got
421
00:35:47,146 --> 00:35:49,148
the cleanest hallways in all of America.
422
00:35:49,148 --> 00:35:50,316
No, no, no, no, I take that back.
423
00:35:50,316 --> 00:35:52,818
Probably in the whole wide world.
424
00:35:52,818 --> 00:35:56,030
- I got a bad back, so I got a system.
425
00:35:56,030 --> 00:35:58,157
I clean the hallway, a different hallway,
426
00:35:58,157 --> 00:36:00,576
every day, make it easier for me.
427
00:36:00,576 --> 00:36:02,787
- Yeah, I know what you mean, yeah,
428
00:36:02,787 --> 00:36:04,455
but let me tell you something, Manuel,
429
00:36:04,455 --> 00:36:05,831
and I don't want you to think
I'm talking down to you,
430
00:36:05,831 --> 00:36:07,166
and I want you to know something.
431
00:36:07,166 --> 00:36:08,918
This has nothing to do with the fact
432
00:36:08,918 --> 00:36:11,420
that you're Puerto Rican and I'm American.
433
00:36:11,420 --> 00:36:12,213
Because I wanna tell you something.
434
00:36:12,213 --> 00:36:13,798
Some of my best friends are janitors.
435
00:36:13,798 --> 00:36:14,965
I want you to know that.
436
00:36:14,965 --> 00:36:15,841
I want you to know something.
437
00:36:15,841 --> 00:36:19,053
- Ah, ah, Mister, I'm
no janitor, I a super.
438
00:36:19,053 --> 00:36:19,845
- A super.
439
00:36:19,845 --> 00:36:20,721
- Please (speaking foreign language).
440
00:36:20,721 --> 00:36:21,555
No janitor.
441
00:36:21,555 --> 00:36:22,348
- Hmm, (speaking foreign language) throw
442
00:36:22,348 --> 00:36:23,349
a couple of romantic words there.
443
00:36:23,349 --> 00:36:24,725
Let me tell you something.
444
00:36:24,725 --> 00:36:26,060
You're trying to get out of something,
445
00:36:26,060 --> 00:36:26,852
and you know what it is.
446
00:36:26,852 --> 00:36:28,187
I told you my toilet bowl was stopped up.
447
00:36:28,187 --> 00:36:29,105
That's two days ago,
448
00:36:29,105 --> 00:36:30,981
and I'm still waiting for you to fix it.
449
00:36:30,981 --> 00:36:33,609
Now, you better have that toilet bowl
450
00:36:33,609 --> 00:36:35,945
fixed by eight o'clock
tonight, and I mean it.
451
00:36:36,987 --> 00:36:39,073
- Why, you got an
appointment to take a shit
452
00:36:39,073 --> 00:36:40,741
at eight o'clock tonight?
453
00:36:40,741 --> 00:36:44,370
(toilet flushes)
- Very good.
454
00:36:46,747 --> 00:36:48,374
- All right, all right, I fix it.
455
00:36:50,626 --> 00:36:52,253
- Go drop another piece of soap.
456
00:36:55,506 --> 00:36:58,592
(lighthearted music)
457
00:37:11,021 --> 00:37:15,776
- You bastard, you're always
getting horny when I'm busy.
458
00:37:16,777 --> 00:37:18,779
You know, there's a marriage
counselor in the building.
459
00:37:18,779 --> 00:37:21,282
I really think that we should go see him.
460
00:37:21,282 --> 00:37:22,158
- What for?
461
00:37:23,617 --> 00:37:25,119
You're nuts.
462
00:37:25,119 --> 00:37:27,413
- I think we should go see him.
463
00:37:27,413 --> 00:37:28,539
N0!
464
00:37:28,539 --> 00:37:31,000
I think we should go see him.
465
00:37:31,000 --> 00:37:33,002
- All right, all right.
466
00:37:33,002 --> 00:37:36,046
(lighthearted music)
467
00:38:01,155 --> 00:38:01,947
(doorbell rings)
468
00:38:01,947 --> 00:38:02,823
_ Yes?
469
00:38:02,823 --> 00:38:04,283
- We're Mr. And Mrs. Rawson.
470
00:38:06,202 --> 00:38:08,204
- Come into the waiting room.
471
00:38:08,204 --> 00:38:10,664
(fast music)
472
00:38:17,338 --> 00:38:20,466
(doorbell rings)
473
00:38:20,466 --> 00:38:22,092
Go into the waiting room, please.
474
00:38:23,093 --> 00:38:25,596
(light music)
475
00:38:45,074 --> 00:38:46,867
- Mr. and Mrs. Rawson?
476
00:38:46,867 --> 00:38:49,453
- We're Mr. and Mrs. Rawson.
477
00:38:49,453 --> 00:38:50,579
- I'm Mrs. George.
478
00:38:50,579 --> 00:38:52,122
This is my husband.
479
00:38:52,122 --> 00:38:54,124
We live on the floor above you.
480
00:38:54,124 --> 00:38:56,752
The card said no appointment necessary.
481
00:38:56,752 --> 00:38:58,462
- Oh, that's all right.
482
00:38:58,462 --> 00:39:01,215
Why don't you all follow
me into my office.
483
00:39:01,215 --> 00:39:04,134
That's the latest methods,
you know, group therapy.
484
00:39:04,134 --> 00:39:07,388
Same fee, but you get much better results.
485
00:39:10,224 --> 00:39:12,726
(light music)
486
00:39:36,750 --> 00:39:38,752
Well, where do we start?
487
00:39:40,921 --> 00:39:41,922
- Look here, buddy.
488
00:39:43,757 --> 00:39:44,800
- Just a little joke.
489
00:39:51,557 --> 00:39:54,393
(spacey blooping)
490
00:40:01,775 --> 00:40:04,570
Mrs. Rawson, how long
have you been married?
491
00:40:07,156 --> 00:40:08,032
- Seven years.
492
00:40:08,949 --> 00:40:11,577
- Hey, that's a good question.
493
00:40:11,577 --> 00:40:13,454
After all, I am a marriage counselor.
494
00:40:16,916 --> 00:40:19,084
Tell me everything, Mrs. Rawson.
495
00:40:19,084 --> 00:40:19,919
- Everything?
496
00:40:21,211 --> 00:40:22,546
- Only way I can help you.
497
00:40:22,546 --> 00:40:26,216
Have to know every single little thing.
498
00:40:26,216 --> 00:40:29,178
- (sighs) I first met my husband Brian
499
00:40:29,178 --> 00:40:31,555
at the Fong-gu club in the Village.
500
00:40:31,555 --> 00:40:33,432
(80% clangs)
501
00:40:33,432 --> 00:40:34,433
- What club?
502
00:40:36,435 --> 00:40:39,063
- The Fong-gu club.
(gong clangs)
503
00:40:39,063 --> 00:40:41,065
I was a dancer there.
504
00:40:41,065 --> 00:40:44,485
(fast, percussive music)
505
00:41:35,035 --> 00:41:37,788
(people applaud)
506
00:41:41,542 --> 00:41:42,751
I was a good dancer, too.
507
00:41:43,669 --> 00:41:45,921
I could've had a great career.
508
00:41:45,921 --> 00:41:49,299
But I gave it up for him! (weeps)
509
00:41:51,927 --> 00:41:53,178
- Go on, Mrs. Rawson.
510
00:41:54,138 --> 00:41:56,306
- Brian said it was love at first sight.
511
00:41:57,641 --> 00:41:59,143
- First fright is more like it.
512
00:41:59,143 --> 00:42:01,812
- "First fright." (laughs)
513
00:42:01,812 --> 00:42:04,940
Now that's funny. (laughs)
514
00:42:04,940 --> 00:42:07,943
(Mrs. Rawson weeps)
515
00:42:14,575 --> 00:42:15,701
Go on, Mrs. Rawson.
516
00:42:15,701 --> 00:42:18,829
- Brian just couldn't
keep his hands off me.
517
00:42:18,829 --> 00:42:23,834
Wherever we were, he
always wanted to, you know.
518
00:42:25,544 --> 00:42:27,671
- Screw, say it!
519
00:42:27,671 --> 00:42:29,465
- Why, even the first night we met.
520
00:42:30,924 --> 00:42:33,677
He said he left some papers
he had to mail in his room.
521
00:42:36,847 --> 00:42:37,681
- New twist.
522
00:42:38,557 --> 00:42:40,476
Papers to mail.
523
00:42:40,476 --> 00:42:41,351
No hijinks.
524
00:42:43,562 --> 00:42:45,564
- But when we got there.
525
00:42:45,564 --> 00:42:47,858
(upbeat music)
526
00:42:47,858 --> 00:42:50,861
(bluesy rock music)
527
00:44:25,164 --> 00:44:29,084
(shimmering synthesizer music)
528
00:45:05,245 --> 00:45:10,250
(people moaning)
(rock music)
529
00:45:43,033 --> 00:45:46,161
(plodding rock music)
530
00:45:53,168 --> 00:45:55,921
We kept company for six months,
531
00:45:55,921 --> 00:45:58,048
and Brian was just wonderful.
532
00:45:59,925 --> 00:46:01,551
(Mrs. Rawson weeps)
533
00:46:01,551 --> 00:46:03,762
- What the hell are you balling about?
534
00:46:03,762 --> 00:46:05,138
I married you, didn't I?
535
00:46:07,057 --> 00:46:08,267
- So you were married.
536
00:46:09,309 --> 00:46:11,311
- We spent our honeymoon in Hawaii.
537
00:46:12,938 --> 00:46:15,023
- Hawaii, all those leis!
538
00:46:16,650 --> 00:46:19,569
(percussive music)
539
00:46:33,792 --> 00:46:36,962
(light, upbeat music)
540
00:46:54,104 --> 00:46:56,815
- Come on, baby, let's
make with the bodies.
541
00:46:57,816 --> 00:47:00,235
That's what you call a real sexy moon.
542
00:47:01,695 --> 00:47:02,946
- Oh, Brian.
543
00:47:02,946 --> 00:47:07,951
(light, upbeat music)
(people moaning)
544
00:47:51,119 --> 00:47:56,124
(sedate, upbeat music)
(woman moans)
545
00:48:22,943 --> 00:48:25,904
(percussive music)
546
00:48:44,548 --> 00:48:46,967
(man shouts)
547
00:48:51,847 --> 00:48:53,306
They said Hawaii was beautiful,
548
00:48:53,306 --> 00:48:55,559
but I didn't see any of the sights.
549
00:48:55,559 --> 00:48:58,228
I was on my back all the time.
550
00:48:58,228 --> 00:49:01,064
- Well, can't have everything.
551
00:49:01,064 --> 00:49:02,566
- But when we got back from the honeymoon,
552
00:49:02,566 --> 00:49:04,192
everything was changed.
553
00:49:05,318 --> 00:49:06,945
He forgot that I was a woman.
554
00:49:08,864 --> 00:49:11,366
(TV chatters)
555
00:49:11,366 --> 00:49:14,369
Brian, Brian, damn it.
556
00:49:14,369 --> 00:49:16,246
Remember me, your wife Myra?
557
00:49:17,456 --> 00:49:19,958
(TV chatters)
558
00:49:32,012 --> 00:49:33,096
Brian, Brian!
559
00:49:34,222 --> 00:49:36,725
(TV chatters)
560
00:49:42,772 --> 00:49:43,899
Bfian!
561
00:49:43,899 --> 00:49:46,401
(TV chatters)
562
00:50:09,049 --> 00:50:11,676
(brassy music)
563
00:50:36,701 --> 00:50:37,953
- What the hell are you doing?
564
00:50:37,953 --> 00:50:39,412
I can't see the picture.
565
00:50:41,039 --> 00:50:43,458
- Brian doesn't even know I have a body!
566
00:50:46,044 --> 00:50:48,338
- Mr. Rawson, what are you,
567
00:50:48,338 --> 00:50:51,675
some kind of a cold fish or something?
568
00:50:51,675 --> 00:50:54,094
- I didn't wanna come
here in the first place.
569
00:50:54,094 --> 00:50:54,970
She insisted.
570
00:50:56,930 --> 00:50:58,723
I should've left her in Hawaii.
571
00:50:59,849 --> 00:51:02,477
Boy, that was where she
was hot in the pants.
572
00:51:04,229 --> 00:51:05,730
A real woman.
573
00:51:07,232 --> 00:51:08,233
But now...
574
00:51:10,735 --> 00:51:12,612
Listen, last week.
575
00:51:13,572 --> 00:51:16,116
(upbeat music)
576
00:53:15,944 --> 00:53:19,364
(upbeat music continues)
577
00:53:24,369 --> 00:53:27,872
(light, percussive music)
578
00:54:22,051 --> 00:54:26,389
(light, percussive music continues)
579
00:54:41,154 --> 00:54:43,656
There's the cold fish.
580
00:54:43,656 --> 00:54:47,076
(Mrs. Rawson cries)
581
00:54:47,076 --> 00:54:48,703
- Now, now, Mrs. Rawson.
582
00:54:50,330 --> 00:54:52,332
Try to control yourself.
583
00:54:52,332 --> 00:54:55,210
(Mrs. Rawson cries)
584
00:54:55,210 --> 00:54:57,086
And now we'll hear from
the other panelists.
585
00:54:57,086 --> 00:54:59,464
I mean our other friends in the room.
586
00:55:00,924 --> 00:55:02,967
What are your sex problems?
587
00:55:02,967 --> 00:55:04,469
- Sex problems?
588
00:55:04,469 --> 00:55:06,429
We don't have any sex problems.
589
00:55:07,347 --> 00:55:09,432
Sex ain't everything.
590
00:55:09,432 --> 00:55:11,100
We got a sex life, don't we, baby?
591
00:55:13,478 --> 00:55:14,437
- Yeah, Tom.
592
00:55:14,437 --> 00:55:16,689
- But we got plenty of other problems.
593
00:55:16,689 --> 00:55:18,858
- So, what's wrong?
594
00:55:18,858 --> 00:55:21,569
- I can't remember the last
time I had a decent meal.
595
00:55:22,445 --> 00:55:24,322
- You got a hell of a nerve.
596
00:55:24,322 --> 00:55:26,074
- Go on, go on.
597
00:55:26,074 --> 00:55:28,868
- I don't know how I put up
with him all these years.
598
00:55:28,868 --> 00:55:30,745
- Put up with me?
599
00:55:30,745 --> 00:55:32,497
You've had me by the balls ever since
600
00:55:32,497 --> 00:55:34,207
I was stupid enough to marry you.
601
00:55:35,083 --> 00:55:36,876
- Oh, bulghur.
602
00:55:36,876 --> 00:55:37,961
- Bulghur.
603
00:55:37,961 --> 00:55:40,380
Why, if I wasn't a gentleman.
604
00:55:40,380 --> 00:55:42,257
- You a gentleman?
605
00:55:42,257 --> 00:55:43,842
- Before I was batty enough to say "l do,"
606
00:55:43,842 --> 00:55:45,385
you were a real doll.
607
00:55:46,511 --> 00:55:49,013
- He's just not interested in me anymore,
608
00:55:49,013 --> 00:55:50,390
except in bed.
609
00:55:50,390 --> 00:55:53,893
- Maybe if you didn't always
look like such a slob.
610
00:55:53,893 --> 00:55:55,728
- You call me a slob?
611
00:55:58,022 --> 00:55:59,148
- Why don't you shut up?
612
00:55:59,148 --> 00:56:00,900
- You have a big mouth,
just like your mother.
613
00:56:00,900 --> 00:56:02,986
- My mother has a big mouth?
614
00:56:02,986 --> 00:56:04,028
- Yeah, and she almost ate me
615
00:56:04,028 --> 00:56:06,531
right into the poorhouse
with her big mouth.
616
00:56:06,531 --> 00:56:07,991
- How dare you.
617
00:56:07,991 --> 00:56:11,035
She hardly ate a thing the
short time that she was there.
618
00:56:11,035 --> 00:56:12,537
- Short time?
619
00:56:12,537 --> 00:56:13,872
Three years!
620
00:56:13,872 --> 00:56:15,123
- It was only two months.
621
00:56:16,124 --> 00:56:18,293
- Well, it felt like three years.
622
00:56:18,293 --> 00:56:20,920
She sure ate for three
years in those two months.
623
00:56:22,922 --> 00:56:25,049
Could you pass the string beans?
624
00:56:25,049 --> 00:56:27,552
(light music)
625
00:56:55,705 --> 00:56:58,583
(percussive music)
626
00:56:59,792 --> 00:57:02,295
(light music)
627
00:57:32,367 --> 00:57:33,618
- Pig!
628
00:57:33,618 --> 00:57:35,244
(comical music)
629
00:57:35,244 --> 00:57:38,831
- Well, Mom always did
have a big appetite,
630
00:57:38,831 --> 00:57:40,959
but your mother never left us alone,
631
00:57:40,959 --> 00:57:41,876
not even for a minute,
632
00:57:41,876 --> 00:57:43,878
the whole year she stayed with us.
633
00:57:46,381 --> 00:57:49,008
(ticking music)
634
00:57:52,762 --> 00:57:55,139
I wish we could go to the
movies without your mother.
635
00:57:55,139 --> 00:57:57,100
Just once.
636
00:57:57,100 --> 00:57:58,768
I don't know why she insists on going.
637
00:57:58,768 --> 00:58:01,479
She falls asleep as soon as
she hits the seat, anyway.
638
00:58:02,355 --> 00:58:04,148
She drives the audience
crazy with her snoring.
639
00:58:04,148 --> 00:58:05,608
It's so embarrassing.
640
00:58:06,651 --> 00:58:07,902
- Yeah, well, I.
641
00:58:09,028 --> 00:58:11,906
(soft rock music)
642
00:58:20,039 --> 00:58:24,043
(indistinct whispering)
643
00:58:24,043 --> 00:58:26,921
(soft rock music)
644
00:58:31,676 --> 00:58:32,802
Night, mother.
645
00:58:33,803 --> 00:58:34,804
- Goodnight, son.
646
00:58:36,139 --> 00:58:37,432
- Goodnight, Mother.
647
00:58:37,432 --> 00:58:40,393
(light rock music)
648
00:59:02,081 --> 00:59:03,207
(object crashes)
649
00:59:03,207 --> 00:59:06,586
(spring boings)
650
00:59:06,586 --> 00:59:07,420
(object whistles)
651
00:59:07,420 --> 00:59:08,963
- What took you so long?
652
00:59:09,964 --> 00:59:12,091
- And you talk about my mother?
653
00:59:14,594 --> 00:59:19,599
- (cries) Please, help me,
I'm so miserable. (cries)
654
00:59:22,310 --> 00:59:24,103
- Mr. Rawson, why don't you put
655
00:59:24,103 --> 00:59:26,230
your arm around her and comfort her?
656
00:59:27,106 --> 00:59:30,318
- Ah, she doesn't even
have a figure anymore.
657
00:59:30,318 --> 00:59:33,488
She used to have a great pair of knockers.
658
00:59:33,488 --> 00:59:35,865
(Mrs. Rawson cries)
659
00:59:35,865 --> 00:59:39,118
- You're crazy, she has
a beautiful pair of tits.
660
00:59:39,118 --> 00:59:41,746
- How the hell do you know what she's got?
661
00:59:41,746 --> 00:59:43,831
- It were last Thursday.
662
00:59:43,831 --> 00:59:46,334
The last Thursday, I were
cleaning up the hall.
663
00:59:46,334 --> 00:59:48,961
I bend down to pick up a piece of soap,
664
00:59:48,961 --> 00:59:50,254
and then I see.
665
00:59:50,254 --> 00:59:52,840
(upbeat music)
666
00:59:56,886 --> 01:00:00,139
(staccato, busy music)
667
01:01:01,576 --> 01:01:05,663
(staccato, busy music continues)
668
01:01:22,847 --> 01:01:27,852
(rock music)
(woman moaning)
669
01:01:52,752 --> 01:01:57,757
(upbeat music)
(woman moaning)
670
01:02:04,764 --> 01:02:07,892
(fast, rolling music)
671
01:02:32,625 --> 01:02:36,504
I never do that before, look
through keyhole, not me.
672
01:02:36,504 --> 01:02:38,547
Just this one time.
673
01:02:38,547 --> 01:02:40,174
I got honor!
674
01:02:42,551 --> 01:02:43,761
- Last Thursday, huh?
675
01:02:44,804 --> 01:02:46,806
Last Thursday, I stayed
at my mother's house.
676
01:02:46,806 --> 01:02:48,808
I didn't come home until Friday!
677
01:02:48,808 --> 01:02:51,686
Why, you no good,
two-timing son of a bitch!
678
01:02:51,686 --> 01:02:54,272
- Listen, I can explain everything!
679
01:02:54,272 --> 01:02:59,068
(comical music)
(people grunting)
680
01:02:59,068 --> 01:03:01,070
Hey, hey, hey, heV!
681
01:03:01,070 --> 01:03:02,571
(woman shouts)
Oh, we're through.
682
01:03:02,571 --> 01:03:03,948
(woman shouts)
683
01:03:03,948 --> 01:03:06,450
(doorbell rings)
684
01:03:06,450 --> 01:03:10,079
(bittersweet violin music)
685
01:03:12,707 --> 01:03:13,833
_ Yes?
686
01:03:13,833 --> 01:03:15,042
- Hello, Mother.
687
01:03:15,042 --> 01:03:16,335
- Mother?
688
01:03:16,335 --> 01:03:18,462
I'm not your mother.
689
01:03:18,462 --> 01:03:20,589
(upbeat music)
690
01:03:20,589 --> 01:03:21,841
- Didn't Stanley tell you?
691
01:03:22,925 --> 01:03:24,176
- Tell me what?
692
01:03:25,094 --> 01:03:27,596
- Well, Stanley and I,
we're getting married.
693
01:03:28,431 --> 01:03:30,474
(comical music)
694
01:03:30,474 --> 01:03:32,810
(Ma laughs)
695
01:03:36,856 --> 01:03:39,859
- Married, my Stanley getting
married, don't be ridiculous.
696
01:03:39,859 --> 01:03:40,735
Are you kidding me?
697
01:03:40,735 --> 01:03:41,986
My Stanley getting married.
698
01:03:41,986 --> 01:03:44,572
He can't even go to the
bathroom without me.
699
01:03:44,572 --> 01:03:48,326
Maybe 100 years from now,
when I'm dead, God forbid,
700
01:03:48,326 --> 01:03:51,829
maybe Stanley will get
married, but not now.
701
01:03:51,829 --> 01:03:54,498
(comical music)
702
01:03:56,834 --> 01:03:59,503
(people shouting)
703
01:03:59,503 --> 01:04:01,255
- Don't you put your hands on my husband!
704
01:04:01,255 --> 01:04:03,007
Don't you hit him! (screams)
705
01:04:03,007 --> 01:04:04,133
(men laugh)
706
01:04:04,133 --> 01:04:05,384
(women shout)
(comical music)
707
01:04:05,384 --> 01:04:07,011
- Now listen, folks.
708
01:04:07,011 --> 01:04:09,597
(people shout)
709
01:04:15,519 --> 01:04:17,146
- I'll punch you in the nose.
710
01:04:17,146 --> 01:04:19,398
(people shout)
711
01:04:19,398 --> 01:04:23,152
(exciting, determined music)
712
01:04:27,156 --> 01:04:29,116
(person knocks)
713
01:04:29,116 --> 01:04:29,992
- Katie!
714
01:04:29,992 --> 01:04:33,162
(exciting, determined music)
715
01:04:33,162 --> 01:04:33,996
Katie!
716
01:04:36,165 --> 01:04:38,000
(person knocks)
717
01:04:38,000 --> 01:04:39,418
- Get lost, jerk.
718
01:04:40,878 --> 01:04:44,298
- Oh, well, at least let me
come in and explain to you.
719
01:04:44,298 --> 01:04:46,550
Oh, Katie, just give
me a minute to come in.
720
01:04:46,550 --> 01:04:49,303
I can explain the whole thing to you.
721
01:04:49,303 --> 01:04:52,181
Aw, Katie, aw, forget it.
722
01:04:52,181 --> 01:04:55,309
(fast, comical music)
723
01:04:58,646 --> 01:04:59,688
(person knocks)
724
01:04:59,688 --> 01:05:00,564
Katie!
725
01:05:02,191 --> 01:05:03,067
Katie.
726
01:05:04,026 --> 01:05:06,570
(cries) Katie.
727
01:05:07,655 --> 01:05:09,407
(cries) Come on, Katie.
728
01:05:09,407 --> 01:05:11,200
Don't make a grown man cry, Katie.
729
01:05:12,326 --> 01:05:14,829
Aw, Katie, I love you so much.
730
01:05:14,829 --> 01:05:17,081
I can't live without you.
731
01:05:17,081 --> 01:05:20,835
(exciting, determined music)
732
01:05:28,843 --> 01:05:30,803
(comical music)
733
01:05:30,803 --> 01:05:31,804
Katie!
734
01:05:31,804 --> 01:05:36,225
Come on, Katie, I can't live
without you, baby. (cries)
735
01:05:37,685 --> 01:05:39,186
Aw, Katie.
736
01:05:39,186 --> 01:05:42,940
(exciting, determined music)
737
01:05:44,984 --> 01:05:45,943
(Modding music)
738
01:05:45,943 --> 01:05:47,361
Boy, oh, boy, she's gonna feel
739
01:05:47,361 --> 01:05:49,071
sorry when I kill myself, boy.
740
01:05:50,239 --> 01:05:53,325
I'm gonna open up this
window and I'm gonna jump.
741
01:05:53,325 --> 01:05:55,202
I'm gonna jump, that's what I'm gonna do.
742
01:05:55,202 --> 01:05:56,370
22 stories up.
743
01:05:56,370 --> 01:05:57,371
She'll be...
744
01:05:58,497 --> 01:05:59,623
Damn window.
745
01:05:59,623 --> 01:06:02,751
(low, plodding music)
746
01:06:17,516 --> 01:06:21,395
Yep, you're gonna feel
real sorry when I'm gone.
747
01:06:21,395 --> 01:06:24,106
(comical music)
748
01:06:28,110 --> 01:06:30,404
Can't gag on the pills.
749
01:06:30,404 --> 01:06:32,406
I can get hurt that way.
750
01:06:33,282 --> 01:06:34,283
No pills for me.
751
01:06:34,283 --> 01:06:37,495
(low, plodding music)
752
01:07:01,060 --> 01:07:03,562
(gas hissing)
753
01:07:04,647 --> 01:07:07,066
- No wonder my gas bill is so high.
754
01:07:07,066 --> 01:07:12,029
(gas hisses)
(Modding music)
755
01:07:13,072 --> 01:07:14,198
Stanley?
756
01:07:14,198 --> 01:07:16,700
(gas hisses)
I have a surprise for you.
757
01:07:18,035 --> 01:07:19,203
I got married.
758
01:07:21,330 --> 01:07:23,582
I did it for you.
759
01:07:23,582 --> 01:07:25,668
Every boy needs a father.
760
01:07:26,460 --> 01:07:31,465
So, turn the gas off and
go, go meet your new daddy.
761
01:07:32,841 --> 01:07:36,303
(plodding, comical music)
762
01:07:42,726 --> 01:07:43,602
_ Son!
763
01:07:48,941 --> 01:07:51,485
(upbeat music)
764
01:07:57,491 --> 01:07:59,618
(Manuel laughs)
765
01:07:59,618 --> 01:08:02,204
(upbeat music)
766
01:08:06,750 --> 01:08:07,626
Hey, you.
767
01:08:07,626 --> 01:08:10,212
(upbeat music)
768
01:08:16,343 --> 01:08:17,886
What's the matter with you?
769
01:08:17,886 --> 01:08:19,138
You deaf?
770
01:08:19,138 --> 01:08:20,180
You no hear?
771
01:08:23,559 --> 01:08:28,314
Didn't I tell you yesterday
to fix the toilet bowl in 1A?
772
01:08:30,983 --> 01:08:32,109
Well, go fix it.
773
01:08:32,109 --> 01:08:34,695
(upbeat music)
774
01:08:53,255 --> 01:08:54,757
(Manuel laughs)
775
01:08:54,757 --> 01:08:57,384
(wedding music)
776
01:09:30,668 --> 01:09:34,171
(wedding music continues)